I haven’t read a few pages in ten days
Haven’t looked at the books in a long time
No paperbacks, no hardcovers,
No ebooks, no audiobooks.
I haven’t sat down to drink a glass of water in peace
I forget the taste of coffee
I gulp it down, hot and fast
Haven’t heard the voice of a tune
No melodies echo, only cranky cankerous crowd
My legs ache of standing up
My knees wobble of nervousness
I hide.
I hide to the balcony every now and then
No, no silence there
The kids echo their laughter on the playground
The society is vibrant and joyous
But I feel none of that. I smile.
I smile at the little fights. But.
But I don’t feel happy
No smiles are worth anymore.
Can boredom kill you with impatience,
Or with morbidity
Or with disinterest?
I forget the sunset now
The sun rises everyday
But I can’t see the sun
It’s not so bright
But the rays don’t touch my body, it aches
The tears knock but refuse,
Refuse to come out and break.
The hollowness that I so dreaded has left
Who knew I’d miss it now. Its so heavy.
So heavy that I can’t hold it anymore
But
There is no other way
No place I can sit and breathe
No one I can whisper my secrets to
Nothing to hold onto
I cannot hold it anymore
But..
Moushmi Radhanpara 
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